நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

நினைவுகள் உணவானது
கனவுகள் நீரானது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

சத்தம் சங்கீதமானது
இரைச்சல் இசையானது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

வானவில் சாயம் போனது
வெண்ணிலா வண்ணம் கொண்டது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

தாய் பாசம் பொய்யானது
என் காதல் மெய்யானது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

இழப்பு இன்பமானது
தோல்வி சுகமானது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

குறை பைத்தியம் நிறையானது
அறிவு அர்த்தம் இழந்தது

நான் காதலிக்க கற்று கொண்டேன்!

காமம்

A subtle but a strong stuff I came across in a magazine :)

வெட்கம் அவிழ்! மிருகம் நீ!
உடல் முழுவதும் கீறல் செய்!
ஆடை கலை ! ஆண்மை பருகு!
மோக முல்லை கொண்டு முகத்தில் கோலாமிடு!

வியர்வை சுவைத்து சுவைத்து உதடுகள் கருத்து போக வேண்டும்
தேகங்கள் குடைந்து குடைந்து சுகங்களை பிழிந்து எடுக்க வேண்டும்
எச்சில் கொண்டு சதை ஏடுகளில் சுயசரிதை எழுத வேண்டும்

பித்த நாலங்களில் ரத்தம் சூடேரி யுத்தம் நடத்த வேண்டும்!
காதல் பொய் ! கடவுள் பொய் !
உறவும் பொய் ! நட்பும் பொய் !
உண்மை தெளியும் அந்த உச்ச நொடிகள் மீண்டும் வேண்டும்!

நான் ரசித்த கடிதம்

அன்பே உனக்கொரு கடிதம்,

எனக்கு உன் மேல் உள்ள காதலை ஆயிரம் முறை வார்த்தைகளில் நனைத்து உனக்கு அஞ்சலியாக்கி விட்டேன்.. உனது உணர்வை நானும் எனது உணர்வை நீயும் வார்த்தை இன்றி அடையாளம் கண்டு கொள்ளும் உன்னதத்தை நம் காதல் எய்தி விட்ட பின் வார்த்தைகள் அர்த்தமற்று போனது.

இனி என் கடிதங்கள் வெற்று காகிதங்களாக உனை வந்தடைந்தாலும் என் நிலை அறியும் திறன் உனக்குண்டு. நானறிவேன்.

பின் ஏன் இந்த கடிதம்?

நம்முறவின் உன்னதம் உலகுக்கு புரியாமல் அது ஊமையாக  மாண்டு விட கூடாது என்பதற்க்காக . நாளை மரணம் நம்மை பூஜைக்குரியவர்களாக ஆக்கி விட்ட் பின், நமது சரிதையின் உயிர்ச்சான்றுககலாக இக்காகிதங்கள்  வாழும். இன்று நம்முறவுக்கு  கண்டனம் சொல்லும் சமுதாயம், நாளை நமக்கு பின் நமது கால் துகள்களை கூட பத்திரப்படுத்த முற்படும்...அப்போது இக்காகிதங்கள்  அவர்களுக்கு பொக்கிஷமாகும்.

எனவே, காதலி! இக்காகிதத்தை  பத்திர படுத்தி வை. இன்றைய விமர்சனங்களில் சிக்கி சிதைந்து விடாமல் பாதுகாத்து வை. காதலுக்கும்,அன்புக்கும்,வெறுப்புக்கும் வித்தியாசம் இம்மி அளவே என்பதை இன்று நாம் உணர்ந்ததை நாளை அவர்கள் புரிந்து கொள்ளும் வரை வெறும் பரிச்சியம்  என்ற இடரக்கடலின் நிழலில் நம் காதல் வாழட்டும்.நேற்றைய புரட்சி காரர்களின் திருட்டு கவிதைகள் இன்றைய தேசிய கீதங்கள் ஆவது போல்...நாளை நம்  காதலும்!!

பல நாட்களுக்கு பிறகு....

சரியாக சொன்னால்  இருபது ஆண்டுகளுக்கு பிறகு...மீண்டும் உனக்கொரு கடிதம்....உன் விலாசம் எப்படியும் மாறும் என்ற காரணத்தினால்  என்னவோ உனது விலாசத்தை விஸ்தீரணம் செய்யாது விட்டுவிட்டேன்....

காதலி! மீண்டும் உனக்கொரு கடிதம், நான் முன்பு எழுதிய கடிதம் உனக்கல்ல.எனினும் இத்துடன் அதையும்  இணைத்துள்ளேன்,.

காதல், ரிஷிகளின் மூலம் பார்ப்பது அனசாரமாகாது. பழைய  கடிதத்தின் சொந்த காரியிடம் இந்த கடிதத்தை காண்பிக்க வேண்டிய அவசியம் இல்லை. அவளுக்கு ஆர்வமும் இருக்க வாய்ப்பில்லை...

காதல் மாறாதது  என்பது உண்மை... ஆள் மாறினாலும் இல்லாள் மாறினாலும்...... காதல் மாறுவதில்லை....

கூடி வாழ்வதும்,காதலில் கூடுவதும்.... இரு வேறு நிலைகள்...

அவள் என்னவள், அவன் என்னவன் என அறம் என்ற பெயரால் அடையாள சூடு வைக்கும் மிருகதனம் மனிதனுக்கே உரித்தானது.

Cricket & the Prince....

Its going to be some cricket talk from an amateur, meaning that I don’t have much clue about the nuances of the game except the very commonly used jargons. I have no issues in admitting that I am certainly not an expert...but Yes, cricket has become a part of living in India and what when you work for a software company, when you get to witness euphoric audience hooked to the TV monitor in the cafeteria whenever there is a cricket match...it just becomes irresistible not to be a part of it...So yes, here I go. Well, I do carry a decent history of watching cricket for the last 13 yrs. oh yes!, The 1996 world cup finals between Sri Lanka and Australia, was the first ever cricket match I had watched...since then, time and again cricket has impressed and irritated me equally. But for some reason...my heart goes out to losers (I think that’s more of a psychological problem).When the whole cricketing world lauds the performances of Sachin Tendulkar and his likes...I somehow don’t feel like echoing their thoughts....No brickbats about them…they are the best..!! … But., what if I want to be a little eccentric in calling a man like Sourav Ganguly the best...Ohh… he looks so unique to me in everyway...so determined, so poised with tons of perseverance happily resting on his shoulders...one man who basked in glory during his times and the only man who was shown the way out in a most insulting manner and will be the only man who made a terrific come back and made his performance speak volumes and yes his critics had to eat humble pie... Now isn't that classy stuff?? It’s like this...as the cliché goes ‘life is full of ups and downs’ Agreed!...but if the downs get really bad and insulting, Doesn’t it require a much focused determination to comeback.....and that too a successful one at that....I love him crazy for that...no matter what anyone says...he would be the best in my eyes. Dada simply rocks!!

And oh yes. It’s MY blog and Prince of kolkatta rules here

An Ordeal Journey in which the destination did not matter much……..

Without much of hopes or expectations, I stepped out of an useless engineering college that gave me nothing except the 5 letter suffix to my name(B.Tech), I had no engineering ambitions and I had never wanted to be an engineer. My heart was else where….. However, I did succumb to the external pressure and indulged in a full fledged job hunt. I have no regrets while calling it the most frustrating episode of my life. Agarwal and George summers were firmly refusing to become friends with me. Peers in the name of friends kept visiting my home with boxes of sweets and a copy of their offer letters. I found it equally funny and irritating. Some people just suck with their attitude. I, on the other hand was trying to do everything to make it work…. But, all in vain…..why should I even care about what probability does Tina have in getting a white ball from a bag containing 4 colors of balls...for some reason I found the whole process stupid and un interesting, But kept telling myself that I have to go through the same shit if I had to earn the so called “respect” as an engineering graduate...I was almost giving up, when a company was kind enough to inform me that I had cleared their written test... I said to myself….. “first hurdle crossed”, I never realized that the worse was yet to come - the call for a technical interview... with the confidence of clearing the first hurdle happily sitting on my shoulders, I tried to cram as much as C, java, oops, networking ,tcp/ip, mobile communication..…and what not, in just one day. The interview was to happen in Anna university...my beloved father dropped me at the entrance of the university on the interview day... All that he said was “Do well”, I smiled, said “ok” and left...while I was just about to enter the hall..I heard a voice crying behind me "Kalai”, I turned to look at my father panting miserably and said "thirumba veetukku vara panam irukka illaya…adhan kudukka vandhen….” the words caught between his breaths and thrust a 100 rupees note into my hands. That moment… I felt so weak....my heart went out to that man who had sacrificed loads of things in his life for his daughter, a man who adores his daughter...and I said to myself "No matter what…..I’ll make it for him”...honestly I did not remember a word …..my mind was blank…...all that I thought was “I’ll make it for my father” ..It was my turn to give back something to him to make him feel proud and happy….... I was called in ...There was just one man sitting inside who acknowledged my entry with a broad grin, whose half bald head and bulging spectacles spoke volumes about his technical expertise...I was equally apprehensive and confident...I smiled back...an honest one at that...I tried to be as frank and straight as possible….It was an ordeal… I tried to stay calm , I firmly said "I don’t know" to questions for which I did not know the answers.. Fortunately/unfortunately I had to use that phrase a number of times.... At the end of it all….there was this final question... "how confident are you about clearing the interview?”...that was quiet a question to answer...for the first time,I did not know what to say. I stuck to my honesty and said... "30 /100" and quietly walked out of the hall. I was asked to wait in a room ,which I did, with no hopes. I was pointlessly staring at the ceiling and the ground and when I almost decided to leave….an old man walked in and said “ unga paer thaan kalai arasi a?” I said “Yes” …. “ungala keezha interviewkkaga koopidraanga” ….. I quietly thought about my dad . ;-) (The smiley at this juncture is unavoidable)and started climbing down the stairs. The HR interview was nothing more than an array of not so important questions....answering them required some common sense...which I had always believed was an integral part of me ;-)....All through the 30 minutes of the interview...my eyes were time and again trying to read the contets of the sheets my interviewer was flipping through, I assumed that those sheets were my performance reports, score cards.., bla bla.. I was super curious to know the feed back that my technical interviewer would have given…My curiosity got the better off me and I went ahead to ask “how was my performance in the technical interview”…. The HR smiled, laughed aloud and showed me the sheet in question. I was hardly able to follow anything , Thanks to his legible handwriting….However…with some effor, I was able to follow the last line …“Confident, good communication skills …trainable”…. I thanked the HR guy and left the hall… very quietly, from the bottom of my heart I expressed my gratitude to Mr.Technical man. After having kuppai kottified for about 3.5 yrs in this organization, I still have no clue about the name or the division he belongs/belonged to, or anything about him….But for some reason…I keep thinking about him time and again…..
Not that I wouldn’t have managed to clear other interviews…… but this remains special simply because I did not pretend to know everything….I did not cover up things that I really did not know.. It was plain honesty…

I rushed to a nearby telephone booth, dialed my home number and jus said…”Appa, the interview went on well…I’ll have an offer letter too”….I am really not sure if he was proud of me…But…I felt proud of my father…… and now, after years of joining this company….I am really not sure if it was all worth it.

Where is my MAN ?

I keep talking to a dozen men everyday . Politics, science, religion, love, sex, philosophy, sports and what not! everything finds a place in my conversation with most of them...and when a few of the the relation ships are poised at a point , where one of us want a bit more extra from it...but a million dollar question is .. why is it that ... Always only one side wants more than the other??....well..I am not getting into the discussion as to why I sometimes refuse to take the relation ship further. Not that I cant answer but just that this stuff was not meant to talk about that. Simple question is ...why is it that you measure up to a level of a friend and nothing more in the other person's thoughts, when you really believe that the relation ship is worth going further.....

Is it really really hard to find a perfect person ??? ...the word "perfect" has 101 connotations and when I start describing mine...all that I receive is "huh...that's too much of an expectation...that's impossible....learn to compromise on a few" and some more on those lines which I believe are not worth a mention here for obvious reasons. Well...I really beg to differ...Being perfect is just a perception...who might be an awesome bloke charactererized with super good qualities in my eyes might be an useless ,unworthy material in some one else's. As long as he rules in my heart and emotions...I am just too happy,content and satisfied...That being the case..why do people make a big hue and cry?..unfortunately the word "people" includes my parents too...some people just dont get it right... ;(

What I really don't understand is that "Is love such a rare commodity?" or love clubbed with a lot of other commodities(read qualities) is rare?? But I am not eccentric.... because most of which I want/expect is on similar lines with majority of girls/women.....All that I want is selfless love which is passionate and unconditional..... and more importantly sensible(I think this is where the problem lies) ... After all sensibility comes when there is a strong foundation built with mutual respect for each others thoughts..... (Is it a sin to expect one to respect my thoughts?)

If its that hard...and If that requires me to wait for more time..Let me go on..

I am in no hurry to tie the unsatisfied knot at 25 . Rather will wait until 45 to make the knot more meaningful than being materialistic...


At the end of the day...I want to tell myself..."The WAIT WAS WORTH IT"

Are we really Independent?

When the corporates go "gaga" over this independance day stuff, when schools and colleges gear up for the flag hoisting cermony, when government organisations overdo the happenings with political and commericial flavours..

I keep wondering how real and true is all this....

What are we celebrating...."the independence" or just a day??

If its the former,then loads of things come flooding into my mind...
do we really live in an independant world ?...well..I am defntly not talking about bomb blasts..relgious calamities...government policies..socio-economic values ...etc.., Its just independence at the personal,emotional and spiritual levels.....

How Independently can I decide what I want to do..and how I want to live... .Well again..there is nothing like "going against the tide stuffs"...very simple..what liberty do "I" as an individual have to decide what to do and what not to.....

All of us are so dependant on each other in every other aspect of life....
Things are so interwoven that its too hard or unconventional to untangle them and survive as a single entity...


Would rather appreciate if Independance is seen as a way of life than a commodity....

..All said,

if its the latter...then..what the heck..I dont care.. ;)